Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship