Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.