When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later