i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
