I need help removing her.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
