her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
