I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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