I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
