Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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