I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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