I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
