elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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