I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
