great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he thought i was a dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
