Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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