Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
