So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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