Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
