Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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