I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
