okay pat passed out under dana's car
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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