Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
