I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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