Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
