so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
