You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
did i just pee glitter
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
