Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
