so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
