just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
