My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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