All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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