OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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