That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
