I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
