this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
