Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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