Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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