No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize