OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
