maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
