My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry about my life...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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