We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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