So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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