she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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