i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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