True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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