honey bunches of taint.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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