I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
