Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
