roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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