I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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