We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
