I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
