Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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