Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
