so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
