what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
