i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
