mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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