I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
