You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
