I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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