I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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