I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
