We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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