And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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