Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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