Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
