I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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