She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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