My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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