I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
