can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
