So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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