I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
